Stream of Conscious Writing

10:15 GO 

today i am waiting in a doctors office for the the first time to be seen. i've had a really hard time with doctors eversince i overodozed on my anxiety medication and wound up with a night at st lukes and a $10,000.00 bill. today i am going in for or to see if i can get a referral for accupuncture. i had a really odd dream last night. i had a dream that it was me and jeffrey star and some other lgbtq male planning a magazine. i am not sure if i was a man or woman in my dream. we were planning a lgbtq magazine and the male wanted to call it vogue and i explained to him that the name was already taken and we should call it rebbel. we were walking to a parking garage and we were cornered by hillbilly looking large white men who then captured my two comrades i was able to flee and call 911 i told them the people our location and the liscence plate numbers and they said help would be on the way but help never came so i decided to go back and help my friends but it was too late they were alived but they had been skinned by the time i got back jeffree decided to jump from the parking garage and kill himself. it was a very disturbing dream the second dream i had after that i had a dream that i was in a hospital looking to see a doctor and that it had been several hours but one department began passing me off to the next until it was 5 o clock and the offices were closed but i was told i would still be seen. maybe it was or the dreams were trying to tell me not to have faith in figures that are meant to save me? i am not sure. 

10:20 

a dream that peels back the skin of the subconscious 

a dream that hurts our soul 

a dream that transforms, reconfigures, and rewrites 

 memories of our fears 

and then the open ocean of fears 

and then stones at the bottom of our throat 

that glow in darkness and sparkle like gold against the sand 

what kind of doctor do you trust? 

what kind of cop reveals themselves without showing their horns? 

Yes I'm Changing

I've been exploring water as of late---here's a video collage I created as a reflection 

Collages

On going collages on transformative reflections of the self

Transformative Learning through Death

In the early morning hours of February 27, 2019, Derek Rivers (age 46) passed away quietly, after an 11-year hard-fought battle with cancer.

A native of San Antonio, he was a main-stay in the local metal music scene. Spanning the course of over three decades, Derek played with enthusiasm and a ton of heart with numerous bands, including Prototype, Hod, DSFA, Hedgehog, and his most recent band, La Sanche. Derek enjoyed traveling and attending concerts, band festivals, and movie conventions. When he traveled, he always looked for items he knew his son, mother, or friend would treasure, and he delighted in surprising them with a special gift. His mother always received chocolates plus a souvenir. His talent, wealth of knowledge, passion for music, movies, and life in general, along with his kind and gentle spirit will be sorely missed. Derek led a life of uncompromising optimism. His pain was never so great as to diminish his hope, to discourage his goals, or to steal his smile. And what a beautiful smile! Derek’s capacity for kindness was matched equally by his deep commitment to family and friends. There were no strangers in his life because anyone he met immediately became his friend. Both kindness and commitment seemed to come easy for him. If you were his friend, you could always “go to the door” –and it would open – day or night. He loved his family and friends and kept in close contact with them with phone calls, visits, and inviting them to join him in activities he knew they would enjoy. Birthdays and holidays were always remembered in a special way. He was thoughtful, sentimental, considerate, and had an amazing memory. He leaves behind a legacy of true integrity, courage, love, compassion, generosity, and acceptance.

He worked at the San Antonio International Airport for over two decades and leaves behind his “work” family at Gervin’s.

He is preceded in death by his father, Alexander Rivers, and his grandparents, Chris and Lula Porter. He is survived by his mother, Glenda Rivers, son, Forest Rivers and daughter-in-law Siena, his flame of 18 years, Alecia, his beloved fur babies, Chestnut and Quigley, and many friends, fans, and honorary brothers and sisters.

Notes 4

In their article, ‘From Implicit Intention to Exquisite Expression: Finding Metaphors for Who We Are and What We Do,’ the authors talk about how “metaphors allow us to connect the inner and outer, to make the implicit explicit, so that we can better understand, more deeply experience, and more eloquently express who we are and what we do.” Poetry, storytelling and music are some of the ways that the authors have used to construct their metaphorical identities that encompass different aspects of their self, and use these as mediums to express their truth and journey. 

As part of this exercise, you may want to create your own mandorla, “the ancient archetypal symbol created by drawing two overlapping circles that represent opposite or different perspectives” (Marinelli, J., Geisler, pg. 708) based off of a pair of opposites that feels significant to your life experience. 

Through the creation of your mandorla you may find healing taking place, the binding of “that which was torn apart and made unwhole—unholy,” or that you have created in the union of opposites a highly energized space wherein something new is born. 

Write about your experience, share your mandorla, or express your inward journey in whatever way you feel most called to. Be creative! There are no wrong answers! 

We are asking you to go into your own highly personal world of symbols, images, and archetypes and bring some piece of it into our shared consciousness. 

Hi All, 

This class has been really exciting for me because it envelops a lot of what I deal with and encounter with my personal practice as an artist and educator. I have worked with diagrams and maps similar to a mandorla and how mandorla's can transform the classroom. 

Particularly interested in the discourse surrounding ways in which (art) educators address identity within the context of a classroom setting, I create and explore these concepts through venn diagrams, digital mandalas, and creative coding as a visual based research method to investigate themes of discourse and identity development through artmaking. How do educators find interesting, harmless ways to integrate and successfully explore topics of identity through the artistic process. How do we construct identity in multicultural art education? What theories support the development, construction, and awareness of the self on cultural, gendered, socio-economic themes and platforms? How do (art) educators find ways to address "other-ing" within the classroom?

Many of these questions stem from my unique experiences growing up in diverse communities and cultures. I believe the arts offer an ideal platform for addressing and discussing topics of identity and exploring the non-conventional. Ultimately, as I continue with these ideas and processes, this work may shed light on the process of mapping identity development through artistic practices in a very visceral, auto-ethnographic way.  

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Lawrence highlights two ways to tap into unconscious wisdom—dreamwork and experiential painting. Exploring imagery through dreams and experiential painting can have the power to be transformative for the individual, and working with a group can be a powerful learning experience to find out the deeper meaning to our dreams (312). 

During a difficult time or time of transition, have you experienced abstract metaphors in your dreams and struggled to find their true meaning. What dreams are you experiencing and are having trouble understanding? Share as little or as much as you are comfortable with (or remember from the dream).  In your dream how were you certain of what your unconscious was trying to tell you?

If you haven’t experienced something like this, then what are your thoughts about dreamwork/experiential painting as an essential component in navigating some of life’s biggest challenges?  What do you think of this? Is expressing deeply held emotions only in the dream state enough to lead to transformation and healing?  Or must we bridge the unconscious and conscious to affect change?

A Collection of Poems

I decided to rework some of my poems from a project a few years back. This class has given me the space to create again without feeling pressure and exhaustion, thank you. 


https://dochub.com/cariannaarredondo/6qQ9Wm/sermons-pdf?dt=dQ3PKaz1PQMmEzdZ-Qi_