I noticed that I still have resentment towards my current partner in various ways and have yet to overcome my struggles with a prior failed marriage. I have had several dreams about my partner, John, and none of them have been happy ones. But rather, dreams of deceit, of frustration, and resentment. Likewise, I have found myself in my dreams trying to find ways to check up on my ex husband (Michael). I think a part of me wants him to be as miserable as I am.
A few months ago when I was in Texas visiting with and taking care of family, I visited my sister Megan's new apartment for the first time. It was beautiful and most of the furniture was new. She had mentioned to me that she wanted a fresh new start and new space, she didn't want anything to reminder her of her ex-boyfriend.
Taking this to mind, I ordered myself a new sheet set and am currently in the works of re-doing some parts in my apartment that shed any remnants of feelings of remorse.
I've also began talking with my therapist about my dreams, which has actually been really helpful. I think there's sometimes this stigma surrounding mental health and I'll admit, I've always been ashamed, embarrassed, and unwilling to speak to so many councilors because of this. I think it just took some time, and I've finally found someone who I can vibe with. Taking advantage of my student health fee, I might as well utilize what I pay for. What initially has been difficult in the past was finding a therapist that played a more active role. I can not stand those that simply lean back and listen, I need someone to engage in dialogue with me and I am lucky enough to have been matched with someone who works so well with me. We've only began talking in December, but so far it's been great.
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Trigger event. An event which initiates reflection on meaning
schemes or meaning perspectives.
Disorienting dilemma. An older term. Similar to trigger event. Encountering something that is discrepant
with how we understand ourselves or the world.
Critical reflection. Questioning assumptions, values, and
perspectives we encounter in the world.
Critical self-reflection.
Questioning our own meaning schemes and meaning perspectives. Examining the sources of the assumptions we
hold and the consequences of continuing to hold them.
Content reflection.
Asking ourselves “What has happened here?”, or “What is going on
here?” Examining the content of the
problem.
Process reflection.
Asking ourselves how we came to hold a particular belief or assumption.
“How did I come to believe this?”
Examining the process.
Premise reflection.
Asking ourselves why it is important to consider this issue (assumption,
belief, perspective) in the first place.
“Why does this matter?” Examining the premise. Premise reflection is most likely to lead to
transformative learning.
Discourse. A special
kind of dialogue or discussion in which people rationally weigh evidence and
arguments and back up opinions with evidence.
Central to transformative learning.
Ideal conditions for rational discourse. Participants in discourse are fully informed,
have an equal opportunity to speak, are able to weigh evidence rationally, and
have a goal of reaching consensus.
Individuation. A term
taken from Jungian psychology. The
differentiation of the individual from the collective of humanity. The formation of the Self. Integral to transformative learning.
Transformative learning.
The revision of previously unquestioned perspectives and assumptions based
on critical reflection and critical self-reflection, leading to more open,
permeable, and better justified perspectives.
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